The Toronto Blue Jays bandwagon has gotten awfully full in the last week, thanks to them trading for Troy Tulowitzki and David Price (among others). Here are a few handy tips for appropriate etiquette when you go to a Jays game:
- Don’t show up in the 4th inning. The game starts in the 1st.
- Don’t stand up to talk to your friends in the row behind you. You’re blocking my view of the game.
- Rogers Centre has strict regulations around selfies. You may only take a max of 3 per game and they must be taken between innings.
- Don’t participate in doing “The Wave.” What are you, 8?
- Don’t throw stuff on the field at opposing players.
- Don’t throw stuff at people in the stands because they didn’t laugh at or acknowledge your sweet burn of a heckle.
- Don’t boo Blue Jays players when the team starts to lose. Especially when it’s the 4th inning. The game goes for at least 9 innings. The game is not over in the 4th.
- There are 162 games in a baseball season. Even the best teams lose around 60 or more. If the Jays lose a game, it doesn’t mean they’re “fucking garbage” and that the team needs to fire Alex Anthopolous and John Gibbons. The most likely scenario is that you are garbage.
- The Jays aren’t suddenly winning because they traded away Jose Reyes. He was much better than you heard on the radio and read in internet comments.
- If you catch a foul ball, give it to the nearest kid. Not your girlfriend. Not your wife. A kid. It’s a baseball. You will Instagram a photo of it, take it home and never touch it again. Let the kid have it.
- Stop cheering for Kawasaki. He sucks. He sucks so hard. You are cheering for the idea of him being Japanese and you being mildly racist.
- You don’t have to be black out drunk to attend weekend Jays games. Strange but true.
Follow these simple steps and you’re on your way to not being one of the terrible people at the next Jays game. Enjoy the rest of the season!