The 13 Best Pieces Of Advice I Got From Inspiring Clickbait Listicles

Happy 2016 everyone! With the New Year come new resolutions to better myself spiritually and professionally! Below are 13 pieces of the best advice I’ve found from prominent business, marketing, social media and life leaders that will help you make the most of the year to come!

1 – Tell Your Story

Nobody cares about you, but tell them your story anyway. They won’t listen, but at least you’ll get to hear yourself talk.

2 – Live Authentically

If you don’t own any authentically made goods, buy some.

3 – Have Something To Say

What do you really stand for? What separates you from all the other clickbait bloggers? How meaningful are your clicks? This isn’t advice, but serious questions for you to really think about.

4 – Always Keep A Notebook Handy

Then hide your phone in that notebook. That way, people will think your spending all your time going over deep thoughts instead of stealing content ideas from Instagram.

5 – “Inspiration” Is For Wimps

So find someone who’s inspired and take their lunch money.

6 – Reimagine Your Content

Because whatever you’re putting on the internet, it’s shit. It’s all shit. Including this.

7 – Make Up Your Own Wordypoos

Whoever said a fitzroy couldn’t waddlestack didn’t phlank a gingerboom.

8 – Have A Strategy For Your Everyday Life

How do you craft a strategy for a day in your typical life? At the end of each day, go over everything that happened to you. Then, write a strategy you can retrofit to what you did so it seems like you did it on purpose.

9 – Be Accountable. Unless It Was Your Fault.

People – especially bosses – love it when you own up to things. So don’t be afraid to take credit for something that happened, unless it was that sizeable mistake you made last Tuesday.

10 – Answer A Question With A Question

If you give an answer, someone might listen to you and that could come back to haunt you.

11 – Believe In Something Bigger Than Yourself

Like money. A big pile of money.

12 – Think Like Mark Zuckerberg

After he sleeps with a girl, he probably points to his penis and says to her, “You and 12 others like this.” Try doing that.

13 – There Is No Vaccine For Virality

Contagious content is king. So keep your poison vaccines away from my content. Please share this.

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How to craft award-winning Direct Mail Advertising, Part 2

For all my advertising readers out there, here’s a handy follow up to last month’s post on Cannes Lion-worthy direct mail advertising.

Crafting award-winning direct mail advertising is as easy as following these steps:

STEP 1: Use a CTA vaguely referencing a once popular TV show

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STEP 2: Include incentive-based offers

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STEP 3: Harmoniously connect your DM with an experiential piece

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STEP 4: Make a case study

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How to craft Cannes Lion-worthy Direct Mail Advertising

For those who don’t know, my day job is working as a copywriter at an ad agency in Toronto. This post is for all my colleagues attending the Cannes Lions International Festival Of Creativity, the biggest party award show the industry has to offer.

So, how do you craft Lion-worthy direct mail advertising? Follow this handy guide.

STEP 1: Use a solid call to action

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STEP 2: Include a relevant offer

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STEP 3: Engage your consumer with meaningful content

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STEP 4: Create a case study showcasing the piece’s effectiveness

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STEP 5: Profit

Drown your sorrows in puppies

Let’s talk about this year’s Super Bowl (aka Big Game for the unaffiliated) commercial for Budweiser. It’s a lot like last year’s spot. It has a puppy in it.

Not only does it have a puppy, it’s got a real “tug at your heart strings” vibe going on. Much like the commercial from last year. Both ads leave me wondering, just what kind of beer is Budweiser? They call themselves the King of Beers™. But this isn’t a beer ad. It’s an internet video with a puppy in it. Oh, and it has the hash tag #BestBuds. Get it? Like Bud. As in Budweiser. (The beer.)

It already has over two million views. I’m sure the brand and their agency (Anomaly) are thrilled with that number. I’m sure they also knew exactly what they were doing when they decided to make another ad about a puppy. But I have a couple of problems with this ad.

One, it doesn’t tell me anything about the beer. Sure, it’s Budweiser, so you could argue they’ve said it all. Or you could argue that with the increasing rise in popularity of craft beer, maybe they should be bother to tell people why someone might want to drink Budweiser.

My second issue is that this doesn’t even feel on target or on brand for Budweiser. When I think of Bud, I think of an all-American quarter back pounding back a few after a hard day’s footballin’. Or maybe an alcoholic Vietnam War veteran. Or somewhere in between. Regardless, I don’t see any of those types caring too much about the plight of a lost puppy. If anything, I think they would be put off by this ad. It doesn’t have anything to it. No sports. No humour. No America!

Instead, they’re trying to make people teary eyed. I don’t understand beer brands making emotional ads. I drink beer because I don’t want to feel anything. The one thing I take away from this ad is that if I stay home on my farm drinking alone long enough, my alcoholism will get so bad that my only remaining friend will be a dog. If Budweiser wants to connect with me emotionally, they should make an ad about jealousy, bitterness and crippling self-doubt.

This ad is just the worst kind of pandering bullshit that some people believe passes for a brand message. Actually, I’ll agree with that. Because I don’t see how this does anything but say Budweiser is watered-down dog water.

If there’s anything positive to take away, it’s this Go Daddy parody commercial/promotional stunt: